Having clocked the fixture list a couple of months back, there was understandable concern about an April visit to Leek. Snow? Hurricanes? Sheet ice? Would we need coats to bat? After a nine-hour drive, we arrived to a cloudless sky and conditions described—possibly for the first time in Leek since 1976—as “warm.”

Things were looking up. A changing room bigger than the lump that later appeared on Big Dinner’s head (more on that shortly), and—remarkably—an actual umpire (more on that too).

White, true to form, lost the toss, and CE were inserted on what appeared to be the driest April wicket Leek has produced since a local sawdust factory exploded in 1996.

Arnold and Jordan opened. Jay was still brushing off cobwebs from a bat untouched since September, while Jordan shouldered arms outside off… only to be given caught behind to a ball that missed the bat by a margin wider than Rudyard Lake.

Smith entered, fresh from a winter of not abusing sofas, and looked composed from the outset. Channeling his inner Kane Williamson, he played everything ridiculously late—later than most of the team arrived—and crafted a tidy 28 before he actually did hit the ball. Sadly though it was onto his pad and a walk back to the pavilion LBW it was.

Arnold anchored things well, whipping the ball around for 36 before Woodencock tempted him into one shot too many, hauling out to long-on.

White and Hogarth followed. Hogarth looked good until he absolutely nailed one straight to Chadwick behind the stumps first ball. In a moment similar to Broad in the Ashes, Hogarth stood there claiming innocence, but the umpire would not be fooled! Rob Austin came in, safely negotiated the hat-trick ball, and settled in alongside White, who was in full flow—taking a liking to Grinder before eventually lofting Bowcock straight back to the bowler for a well-made 25.

From there, things drifted. CE closed on 118-8 from 40 overs, with credit to Ade and Fred Melbourne for batting out the innings—Fred earning himself a gritty red-inker after 20 balls of resistance.

After a couple of BLTs, CE took to the field. Hogarth and AJ opened the bowling. AJ was… variable, while Hogarth’s pace was as unpredictable as the umpire’s finger. Then came the moment: Big Dinner, behind the stumps, attempted a diving header to a Hogarth delivery and took it flush on the forehead. With blood pouring and a lump the size of a golf ball, he retired hurt. Reports suggest he didn’t make it past Wetley Rocks on the journey home.

As for the rest—there’s little to report. Jay was dispatched further than the team had travelled, and Ade was cut more times than Big Dinner’s forehead. Credit to Tom Grindley, though, who compiled a very solid 52* to see Leek home comfortably.

All in all, a tough introduction to Division 3. Fair play to Leek—great hosts, played in the right spirit.

Smithy summed it up perfectly afterwards:
“We’re really going to have to stick together this year.”

A sentiment echoed by the squad… as we all promptly declared ourselves unavailable for next week.