Church Eaton CC vs Kidsgrove CC – Match Report
North Staffs and South Cheshire League | Division 4
Saturday 26th April 2025 | Church Eaton Cricket Ground
Result: Church Eaton CC won by 87 runs
Church Eaton CC: 21pts | Kidsgrove CC: 6pts

Church Eaton 1st XI made the perfect start to their 2025 league campaign, securing a commanding 87-run victory over Kidsgrove CC on a mild mid-spring afternoon at the picturesque Church Eaton Cricket Ground.
Kidsgrove arrived as strong opponents, having narrowly missed out on promotion in 2024, finishing third by just a handful of points. Conditions were perfect for cricket, and with a strong bowling attack at their disposal, Church Eaton captain Matt White elected to bat first on winning the toss.

Openers Matt Burslem and Jay (Jonathan) Arnold made a solid, steady start on an uneven used Church Eaton track. It wasnt long before controversy struck. Burslem, looking as very steady as ever, was adjudged LBW after middling one onto his pad then foot — a decision he accepted in typically unbitter style, despite replays suggesting a thicker edge than Stuart Broad’s Ashes slip catch back in 2013.

All bar the umpire & bowler stood scratching there heads wondering will they be next for the trigger finger of death. Although bowler and umpire stood firm and he was sent on his way.

Dan Smith then joined Jay Arnold at the crease. Smith, on a pair looked nervous & also rather red faced (as always) after his golden duck against Eccleshall in the final game of 2024 and apparently is now sponsoring James Dale’s "bowling efforts" through a player sponsorship scheme, was desperate to avoid another blob.

The pair pushed the score along, but Arnold, methodically "batting by numbers," eventually lost count, charged down the wicket, and clothed a straightforward chance to cover. The fielder leapt theatrically to claim a catch that was, in truth, a dolly — but he certainly made it look good for the crowd of 4. Smith soon fell too, mistiming a drive to the same fielder.

What followed was a middle-order collapse. Among those to fall was Neil Holmes, whose innings came and went quickly, part of the tumbling collapse. Nevertheless, it was a real pleasure to see Holmes back in Church Eaton colours — returning after missing the entire 2024 season due to a nasty shoulder injury sustained just 26 minutes into last year’s opening game.

His presence was a big boost for the side, even if his contribution this time was brief.
Matt White (8) and Rob Hogarth (4) also departed cheaply, with White barely grounding his bat as he ran himself out in frustration, after the keeper ventually took the bails off at the fourth attemp.

The skippers never say die attitude appeared to have disappeared for the new season. The newly regenerated white a half marathon master looking in great shape still had no accelerator & no desire to ground his bat - much to umpire Jay arnolds disgust.

Jay Arnold also copped some "village banter" when he was humorously called a "bitch" by a frustrated Kidsgrove bowler after a wide call — a moment that had the Church Eaton players and the bulky crowd of 4 loved. The crowd enjoyed the barrage of abuse towards Jay so much that they soon broke out into full voice singing "we want more".

At 95-7, Church Eaton were in real trouble — until Rob Austin and Will Ross stepped up.
Austin, bravely (and foolishly) refusing to wear a thigh pad, wore plenty of blows to his thighs and breasts for the team.
Austin then proceded to secure a boundary off his breast which was voted shot of the day post match, an unbelievable technique only a player of his physical statue could master.

Meanwhile, Will Ross, somehow functioning after a night on a £12.99 crate of Sol and a 3am urination of his parents kitchen floor (plus unconfirmed reports of a dishwasher soiling incident), batted with maturity beyond his condition.

Ross remained unbeaten on a brilliant 38*, guiding Church Eaton to a total of 165, the pair putting on 54 for the 9th Wicket and changing the momentum in the innings.

As no supprise, Jay Arnold was rather outspoken as the the overs ticked down & furious at captain Matt White for batting Abdullah at number 11. When abdullah did get to bat he faced just one ball - bowled in the final over trying to find the moon. Matt White was hoping he had connected & found Jay Arnolds big moon.

Kidsgrove’s bowlers were tidy, with Joel Brierley (3-36) bowling so massive in dippers and Callum Mcilveen (2-30) leading the way.

Church eaton finishing on 165 - All out in the final over.

Kidsgrove’s Reply:
Kidsgrove’s innings quickly unravelled under pressure from the Church Eaton attack.

Will Ross, now fully sobered up, set the tone, bowling a magnificent opening spell of 3-13 from 6 overs to destroy the Kidsgrove top order. Carrying his momentum with the bat & putting the Grove on the back foot from ball one.

Adrian Melbourn backed him up superbly with a tight 2-13 from 8 overs, before Jay Arnold returned to centre stage, spinning his way to a superb 4-11 from 7.1 overs and cleaning up the lower order.

Only Gary Jennison provided resistance, blasting a lively 40 (6 fours, 2 sixes) before picking out Jordan Talbot at deep midwicket off Arnold’s bowling.

There were plenty of classic village moments too. One Kidsgrove player turned up late and unable to bowl for an hour, wandered out to bat wearing left-handed gloves despite batting right-handed ( jay arnold ls gob once wound the batsmen up about his wrong handedness).
He then ran himself out, gifting Dan Smith the dismissal trying to take a two to the bullet arm.

Minutes later, the newly installed pavilion phone rang: it was his mum, asking if he needed a lift home. Vintage village cricket.

Matt White took his one guaranteed catch for the season and the fielding overall was as good as seen in the past 5 years. Great intensity and execution by all.

Kidsgrove were bowled out for just 78 in 26.1 overs.

Some opposition grumbles about a temporary issue with the away showers post-match was perhaps fitting — they hadn't been in the middle long enough to work up a sweat. Nor did they apply themselves at the bar, as Kidsgrove didn’t stop around for a beer afterwards.

We wish them well for the rest of the season and look forward to another tough, good-spirited contest later in the year.

It was a day full of grit, hangovers, collapses, fielding brilliance, ridiculous moments, and all the magic that makes village cricket truly special.

A superb start to the season for Church Eaton CC — and a day no one involved will forget in a hurry.
Key Performances:
• Will Ross: 38* (bat), 3-13 (ball) – Player of the Match
• Jay (Jonathan) Arnold: 30 (bat), 4-11 (ball)
• Adrian Melbourn: 2-13 (ball)

Next Fixture: Church Eaton 1st XI will look to maintain their strong start as they continue their Division 4 campaign next weekend as they travel away to Little Stoke CC.